Monopoly
by Caladria101
Summary: [SJ and Team] Its SG1 plays monopoly.. what can I say? Sorry? Concrit Welcome and you're crazy counts


"Sam, you can't be the ship."

She glared at him, unwilling to budge an inch.

"Oh, f'cryin' out loud. I'll be the ship. Carter, take the dog, Daniel take the hat."

"I believe I stated my wish to compete using the hat, O'Neill."

"…Are you trying to imply something, _sir?_"

His head whipped round to focus on the Jaffa.

"Teal'c can have the hat, Daniel, take the iron," he said in a long suffering tone. Turning back to Carter, he just looked at her. He wasn't quite sure what he was trying to achieve, but he had a feeling he was going to fail. Miserably. Mainly 'cos she was biting her lip in order not to laugh.

Swapping their two pieces by plucking the ship out of his hands and replacing it with the dog, she patted his hand reassuringly. "That's better," she announced.

He stared at her in surprise. Though a surprised glare quickly turned into a surreptitious examination of her – in the three days she'd been up here she'd lost some of the darkness that had collected under her eyes. Lost some of the darkness that had shadowed her gaze as well. Not all, but some. And that he could live with, for the moment. Though being sat there made him curse the fact that he'd promised himself to give her some time. And curse the people that were still ringing to ask her why her wedding was off. And curse the people that were still ringing to offer their consolations on her father's death.

And curse the fact that all three of them had caught him staring at her.

"So, have you two _finally_ decided who gets the hat?" he asked, sounding overly testy even to his own ears.

"I believe Daniel Jackson was about to yield the hat to me," Teal'c stated calmly, picking up the piece before Daniel could protest.

Daniel gaped like a fish for a second, looking incredulous, then frowned slightly as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "…Yeah, apparently Teal'c gets the hat," he said. "So I get the first roll in exchange," he added a little too smugly, scooping up the dice before anyone could voice a protest.

o…O…o

There were two things about Carter that he couldn't figure out. The first was how she'd managed to put hotels on both Broadwalk and Park Place without even denting her bank balance. That one was actually bugging him. It was definitely bugging Daniel, judging from the looks he was shooting her from his disordered pile of properties and notes.

The second... wasn't a problem, as such. He sure as hell wasn't complaining about it. He would like to know how it happened, if only so he could engineer it happening again, but he wasn't going to ask just in case she wasn't aware that it had happened. He knew that at some point his arm had started resting on the seat of the couch as he sat in front of it, so he supposed there was a chance that Sam, who been sat next to him anyway, could have started leaning back on the couch and _accidentally_, therefore, been also leaning on his arm.

He was fairly sure that moving his arm to her shoulders had to have been an active process, though. Though he had no idea which one of them was… active. In any other situation, the one to ask would have been Carter, but that was so not an option. And anyway, definitely not complaining.

Even if Teal'c was smirking at him. Which, to be fair, he'd done to Teal'c every time they'd run across Ishta, but not the point. Carter wasn't an alien 'Xena, warrior princess' for one. She'd kick Lucy Lawless' ass from her to Ne'tu. With one hand tied behind her back.

His thoughts were interrupted by Sam leaning forward to roll, noticing with regret as she did that he'd missed the opportunity to get back at Teal'c big time. His one hotel, and he'd missed it. He stared at the hat. Life sucked. Or, considering that his hand was resting on Carter's back, maybe not.

"You owe me… fourteen hundred dollars, I believe," Daniel said smugly, holding the title deeds in one hand and gesturing with them.

"Fine," Sam replied, counting out the money methodically, being careful to make sure Daniel knew exactly how little that was to her vast fortunes.

Who'd a thunk? Jack vowed never to play a game with two overly competitive people ever again. Not this one, at least. The combination of skill and luck was just… bringing out their inner 'I'm the best'.

He rolled.

"O'Neill, I believe that you will be unable to pay me the required rent for the property upon which you will land."

Oh, God. Not him too.

He reached under the couch to bring out a small wad of the $500 bills. He handed over the money – and he swore that the stoic visage disappeared for a second to reveal one pissed off Jaffa – then sat back grinning at the three of them, extraordinarily pleased with himself.

"Jack, did you _cheat_?"

The look on Daniel's face was priceless as he realised that he wasn't the second-wealthiest person in the game.

"Now… Danny-boy…" he added in just to piss him off. "Why would you assume that just because I'm beating you, I'm cheating?"

"I didn't _say_ that I thought you were cheating because you're beating me - and by the way, land on any of my hotels and you aren't – I asked if you were cheating because you're sat next to the banker, and you're producing money from nowhere."

"You think I'm helping him cheat?" Sam asked indignantly.

"_You_ think I'm cheating, too? Carter!" he said, horrified, twisting a little to look her in the eye.

This turned out to be a mistake, because that left him with very, very little space between them, which, although a very, very, good thing, stopped any rational argument from forming at all.

Stopped any rational _thought_ at all.

"Well, you have to admit, it's a little strange that you can suddenly produce over three thousand dollars that none of us have seen before," she said, almost apologetic.

"That's _tactics_. Which you should understand. Colonel."

"Tactics." Daniel's voice held disbelief and incredulousness in equal measure.

"I believe O'Neill is referring to the fact that the red properties are proven to be the best investment of finances," Teal'c interjected smoothly. "Which is why I was most inconvenienced when he managed to purchase them all for himself."

"T! I knew I could count on you!"

"However, I do not recall that these properties have thus far provided you with such a significant advantage."

"Teal'c! Buddy! You traitor! After all I've done for you!"

"You brought it to the attention of Colonel Carter that I had landed on her most valuable property. Several times."

He winced. So he had. "But I pointed out that Daniel had landed on your water works," he said hopefully.

"I believe your wish to obliterate Daniel Jackson had more to do with that decision than any concern for my wellbeing, O'Neill."

"Yes. Why _do_ you have this personal vendetta against me?" Daniel interjected, frowning between the two of them.

"I…" He gestured helplessly, pulling a few faces that indicated that yet again, he had no reasonable explanation for his actions. And Carter was giggling hysterically, which sure as hell wasn't helping.

"Carter!" he barked.

Apparently even she had no respect for him left, because the giggling continued.

"You're all out to get me," he declared. "You have no respect for me left."

"Because you're trying to help Sam to win."

"I'm not helping her to win… I'm helping you to lose. It just so happens to be that Carter… has the best chance of doing that."

"I could win on my own," Sam told Daniel confidently.

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"T, when it starts to get ugly, we cut and run, right?"

"I believe that would be wisest course of action."

Daniel rolled. It was a tense moment.

Silence.

"I think… that means I get everything in the middle of the board, right?"

"Those aren't _official_ rules, Daniel."

"Since when have you followed rules, _Jack_?" the younger man retorted, gathering up the scattered notes that littered the centre of the board.

This was getting nasty, and he should, as ranking officer, put a stop to it.

"Carter, just make sure ya beat him," he whispered before she leaned forward to retrieve the dice.

o…O…o

Strangely enough, she was the first one out after desperately mortgaging everything she had.

"How much would the bank give you for your soul, Carter?" he asked her with a teasing grin.

"Very funny, Sir," she retorted, clearly not amused. "Back in a minute," she added as she rose to her feet and disappeared into the kitchen.

He really should have thought about the loss of arm-round-Carter time before he wiped the floor with her.

But on the upper hand, Broadwalk was his. All his.

"So... if I asked what's going on between…" Daniel trailed off, his waving hand indicating that he was referring to Sam and Jack. Or Jack and the couch, but Jack and his couch had had a fairly uncomplicated relationship so far and Daniel knew it.

"Then I would say… you owe me nine hundred dollars, Daniel," he replied. Even if he did know what was going on there, then he wouldn't tell Daniel.

Teal'c was staring stoically. Big surprise there.

"I feel that this is an opportune moment to inform you that if you cause Colonel Carter pain, I will eviscerate you. With great regret."

He stared. "Swallowed a thesaurus, T?" he asked dryly, trying to close off the subject.

"I do not believe that swallowing any reference material allows you to access the knowledge inside, O'Neill," he stated, though whether that was a Jaffa-joke or confusion he wasn't sure.

"…And you haven't answered... the question…" Daniel pointed out.

Jack frantically mimed that they should shut up as Sam wandered back in, giving him a filthy look and sitting down deliberately next to Teal'c, flashing him the most evil, beautiful smile he'd ever seen.

Maybe she was the replicator?

Or just… really pissed with him. And Daniel, judging by the looks flying between the two. F'cryin' out loud all he did was decimate her!

"And _that's_ what going to happen to you, _Daniel_, if you don't pay me my nine hundred dollars," he ad-libbed.

Okay. So now he had to wipe the floor with Daniel _and_ make Carter less pissed with him. He could do that. Right.

Crap. Wipe floor first. Grovel later. Although, beating Daniel was kind of grovelling, right?

Taking the money off Daniel he deliberately picked up the dice, an unusual action for someone who'd pick up dangerous weapons with nothing but casualness.

He rolled.

Crap.

"O'Neill, I believe…"

"Alright, alright! I'm on it, T! F'cryin' out loud," he muttered, deliberately over exaggerating and glancing at Carter to see if she was smiling yet.

She was trying not to, but it was there.

Success would be his.

Unless Teal'c whupped his ass. And he'd seen that look before. Teal'c was out to whup his ass with the determination he usually reserved for denouncing false gods.

Handing over the money grudgingly – even if he still had a pile of bills that had once been Carter's pride and joy – he presented Teal'c with the dice. "Your roll."

Pause.

"Ya know all that money that I just handed over, Teal'c? I want it back, and more." The smugness in his tone made him wonder when he'd started sounding as aggressive as Daniel about this, but he didn't worry about it for too long.

Mainly because Teal'c was handing him something that required him to do the math for the change.

"Carter…?" he said pleadingly.

"Sir, you are the biggest baby I've ever met," Sam stated, not moving.

"Please?" He gave her his best I'm-sorry-I-beat-the-crap-out-of-you look.

She sighed, flashing him a look that suggested that he was one of the most irritating things in the galaxy, McKay included, then, using Teal'c to pull herself up, stepped over his legs to reach the box with the bank's money in. She made the exchange, handing Teal'c his change with a smile, then settled back next to Jack.

Which seriously shouldn't have made him as happy as it did.

Seriously. They sat in briefings together for _eight years_. And he'd never had the urge to grin like a goofy idiot before. Well, not often, anyway. An urge that he was resisting. Mainly.

God, he was way too old to feel like this.

"Jack… it's your turn… unless you're too, uhm, busy."

"Daniel," he said shortly, scooping the pair of die up with something approaching vehemence. And Carter was trying not to laugh. _At_ him. Because of him was fine – he'd spent the best part of a decade trying to make her laugh _because_ of him. At him was a different matter all together.

He nearly rolled. "Hey! _Daniel_! That's your piece. On my hotel!"

The other man sighed. "How much, Jack?"

"Ask Carter. She's my bank manager," Jack replied vaguely.

"Sir?"

"Well, it's mainly your money…" He grinned hopefully at her.

Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say, because amused-Carter was replaced by pissed-Carter. And although pissed-Carter sat next to him was better than pissed-Carter sat next to Teal'c – probably – he still wanted amused-Carter back. Now. Please?

He had a feeling that pissed-Carter wanted to hurt him. Badly. As in snippety-doo-dah hurt. Maybe he just needed a shovel to dig himself into this hole a bit more.

"And… ya know… you did such a great job on my tax forms… for which I lov... I'm really grateful for…"

Oh, scrub the shovel. He wanted a JCB. Teal'c's eyebrows would've disappeared into his hairline if he'd had one and Daniel's were doing their own thing, as per normal. Seriously, it wasn't normal for any eyebrows to have that much independence.

And Carter… oh, hell. She was staring at him. _Really_ staring at him.

She cleared her throat. Maybe she'd let that slide, and ignore what he nearly said.

"Well, seeing as you asked so nicely," she said, offering him a half-embarrassed grin, then turning to his properties, muttering to herself at the disorganised mess and glancing enviously at Teal'c's meticulously arranged set up.

She was so going to make him pay for that. Not that he minded, really.

"Hey, Carter, you know who you sound like?"

She looked at him warily.

"That Asgard they got on the Daedalus…"

She thumped him not so lightly in the arm. He glared at her.

"Ow!"

She smiled sweetly. "You deserved it."

"Uhm… guys… Don't make me say what I'm thinking…"

Sam flushed at the same instance that Jack growled, "Daniel…"

Teal'c looked stoic, but Jack swore that he was smirking on the inside. "I believe that we have a game to continue," he said evenly.

"I _believe_ that Daniel still owes me money… Carter, if you'd do the honours…?"

Apparently Daniel wasn't expecting her to just help herself to his money, either, judging by the outraged, "_Sam!_"

"Yes, Daniel?"

Daniel was gaping like a fish again, and Jack was tempted to ask him if he'd be more at home in the pond outside.

"Colonel Carter, it is my understanding that the player hands over their own money instead of taking other's, even when it is owed." And to Jack, Teal'c looked worried, even slightly defensive of his own hoard.

"Yes, but Daniel wasn't going to hand it over without quibbling over every little detail so I thought it would save time."

"You thought _I_ was going to quibble over every little detail. This from the woman who scoured the rule book for ten minutes to see if there really was a rule about not having to pay once the next player had rolled." Daniel looked at her, raising his eyebrows slightly to convey that according to him, he'd won the argument.

"I do not believe that you complained of this fact when you thought it to your advantage, Daniel Jackson."

"Well, I thought Jack was making it up to get out of paying me, which, if we're honest he would do. Jack, what are you doing?"

Jack froze. He'd been using the other three's preoccupation with each other's faults to try and sneak behind Carter to reach the bank and the golden grail of extra cash flow.

"Nothing?" he suggested, trying to look innocent.

"Jack."

"Daniel."

"Jack."

"_Daniel._"

"Sir," Sam interjected, but both men read between the lines. _Shut up. Or else._

Neither of them had ever dared to try and find out what "or else" was, and this time was no exception.

Teal'c smirked, because he had avoided the wrath of Colonel Carter.

She calmly took the money off Daniel, and then unceremoniously shoved the General back to where he started before reclaiming her space against the couch.

Jack stared at her balefully from where he'd landed, sprawled across the floor. "Hey!" he said indignantly.

"You might want to pick yourself up, Sir, it's your roll," she told him. "Unless you're ceding your position to me…" she asked him, a challenge in her tone.

"No, Carter. I'm not _ceding_ anything," he told her, meeting her tone for tone.

"Is that_ snippiness_, Sir?"

o…O…o

The O'Neill-Carter Monopoly Team, were, apparently, unbeatable to any human alive.

Unfortunately, Teal'c wasn't human, and he appeared to be grinding down their combined resources.

"I'm tellin' ya Carter, if we mortgage Pennsylvania Avenue, we've got enough to pay him back, and it's the best option, at this point."

"Frankly, that's a crap idea, Sir. If we mortgage that, then we lose any opportunity of building any houses or hotels there, and they're our best bet for regaining some of our losses. Look, mortgage _this_."

He considered the board. He considered the ship piece on it. He turned to look at her, only inches away to prevent their conversation being overheard by their opponent. Which… frankly, was pointless, but neither of them were worrying too much about that. "Carter, you're amazing," Jack said admiringly.

"I've blown up suns, saved the Earth countless times – unless you're Teal'c – and _now_ you tell me I'm amazing?"

He flashed her a grin. "Yep."

She grinned back. Life was looking good.

"Teal'c, seriously, make sure you beat them," Daniel entreated. As things turned out, he was a sore loser too, and he was making fewer attempts to hide it, egging Teal'c on and generally being a pain in the ass.

"At least you weren't first to lose," Sam pointed out, the last word coming out with some difficulty. Jack couldn't begin to imagine what a Carter 'friendly' game would be like with both Jacob and Sam there. And he'd never met her brother, but from what he'd heard of his stubbornness…

That was not a pretty mental image. At all. How did you reconcile 'Carter's don't lose' with a roomful of them playing each other?

He brought himself back to the conversation. Daniel, apparently, had had his pride settled by Sam, and Sam had had hers' settled by… taking over his game, but never mind. Even if he could have won on his own.

Although the whole colour coding his properties and then setting them in order of price? That was a little weird. Very Carter – she alphabetised her CDs and cross referenced them by era and genre – but very, very disconcerting that he didn't have to shuffle them around in his hand to find the one he wanted. And Teal'c could see them. That bugged him. Even though, technically by now all the properties on the board were owned by one of them, Jack didn't like giving away his position. At anything.

The temporary lull was brought to an end by Carter grabbing Daniel in an arm lock.

"Carter?" Jack asked in disbelief.

She relieved her victim of four $500 bills, handing them back to their rightful owner.

"Ow," Daniel protested.

Jack waved the money around as he spoke. "Daniel? Got an explanation? Other than 'Lose, damn you, lose?'"

"No."

"And Carter? Been learning a few tricks?"

As soon as he said it, his mind took him to the person that could have been teaching her the new cop-like moves. He refused to acknowledge it. Shanahan was out of her life, and they were both happy about the fact. That's all he needed to know. And yet… if the name never crossed his consciousness again, he'd be a happy man.

"Sir, you think I grew up with a brother two years older than me without learning this?"

Oh. Right. Of course. Who else would it be?

"Do not the siblings of all worlds contest, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked, tilting his head quizzically.

"How would you know? You don't have a sister! Do you?" Jack stared at Teal'c. feeling vastly outnumbered. Which was ridiculous when he considered that it was Daniel in the arm lock, whimpering.

"I do not. However, Drey'auc had a sibling, and she was most proficient in certain techniques."

Jack reined his mind in before it could wander down the path of Teal'c and Drey'auc and techniques. That way led only to madness, and disturbing thoughts. He caught Carter's eye. She was trying not to giggle, biting her bottom lip and doing everything she could to avoid looking at him.

"So… Carter… how proficient are you in… techniques?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Well, Sir, if you're lucky, I'll show you," she said, perfectly willing to tease. "Who wants a beer?" she asked, letting Daniel go as she stood up and moved towards the kitchen.

She was the most damn perfect thing he'd ever seen.

Daniel and Teal'c were wearing identical smirks. "What?!"

o…O…o

"…And so, any game that lasts six hours is obviously stupid and not meant to be taken seriously. Am I right?"

"I think you're right, Sam."

"Thank you Daniel."

"I believe it to be a true test of a warrior's cunning in the face of a mixture of random chance and a need for skill."

She glared at Teal'c. He remained impassive, firm to his viewpoint, so she turned on the last member of the group.

"Carter, you're right. 'Cos you're always right."

She shot him a suspicious look, unsure of whether he was teasing her or not, then apparently satisfied, came and sat down between him and Daniel on the couch.

"It's a stupid game," she muttered rebelliously, knowing that she was sounding ridiculous but not caring. They'd all been acting ridiculous for the past three days, as if over-the-top goofing around could relieve some of the pressures that they were all under.

Funnily enough, it seemed to be working.

"What're we watching?" she asked.

"Movie," Jack replied. "Its not actually connected, ya know," he added, waving at the screen. "Being in the middle of nowhere makes it difficult to get cable. So… movie, your choice." He waved in the general direction. "To make up for you being a loser. Twice."

She thumped him on the arm.

"Carter! My arm's _dead_!" he whined. So was he if he kept teasing her about that, he thought.

"Yeah, hitting that spot does that," she replied airily, changing the DVD and carefully replacing the cover in its correct place.

"What we got?" he asked.

"Shrek," she replied, giving him a quizzical look as she settled back down next to him and looped his dead arm around her shoulders so she could sit more comfortably.

"It's good! Hidden references and… stuff," he protested, feeling the need to protect his manly reputation. "It's a movie for adults, too!"

She giggled, giving him a look that suggested that really, that explanation held no water, and shoved her feet under Daniel's legs, startling a yelp out of him.

"They're cold," she explained.

"I noticed!"

"We are so weird," Jack announced.

"Indeed."

o…O…o

AN: There are two kinds of author.. those who bleed copiously and publicly at bad reviews, and those who bleed copiously and privately. (Asimov, science fiction and fact writer.)

Save Me From Future Copious Bleeding… Concrit Me Today.


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